Monday, December 5, 2011

Anxiety: the Procrastinator's Nightmare...maaaybe.


Dear Anonymous Reader,

I looked up the pros and cons of procrastination a couple of years ago. Don't ask the source; it's been too long and I'm in no mood (since I'm already in the middle of finishing one research paper) to try to dig it up again. But one pro I remember is that, in the case of schoolwork, the Procrastinator doesn't have to worry about being stressed all year to finish work that isn't due for another couple of weeks or months. Instead, the stress comes all at once the few days (or the night) before a project is due and is gone by the time the work is finished. Another pro is that some people generally work better under pressure. The con, of course, is that there isn't sufficient time to revise one's work. It is what it is, revised or not.

In my case, I, for the moment, fall into the latter category. But thankfully (from my point of view), I don't stress too much anymore. My own method of madness is to do my best all semester. That way, if I happen to revert to old ways and procrastinate near the end of the semester and my work isn't as polished, I have the better grades to hopefully carry me through. 

Calculated laziness? Perhaps. Easily distracted? Most definitely. Full of excuses? Of course. However, learning what's important and what isn't, in the grand scheme of things, has been one of the most vital tools in avoiding anxiety over late work loads.

I figured out a long time ago that what we're mainly searching for as human beings is connection with others. We find it in so many different forms that it's hard to differentiate what it is we're actually looking for. Many believe they'll find fulfillment in being financially successful. Others believe they'll find it in the love of another. Some believe it's found in a god (or gods) while others believe it's in proving that it isn't. Some believe it's honor. And some, honestly, just don't care. Whether it's the WOW geek up late on a Monday night raiding some castle with a bunch of cyber buddies or the emo girl who cuts her wrists and then writes depressing poetry about loneliness, we're all still searching for that attention from somewhere.

For that voice that affirms our existence.

For that hand to hold (or the spooning to enjoy during some cheesy, sparkling chick flick).

Either way, Facebook, or social networks in general, are perhaps the greatest expression of that desire. Just scroll through the news feed in a given day and you'll find more seemingly useless information about what everyone's doing than you know what to do with. In fact, you can't really do anything with it other than "like" or comment on it. But even then, some blurbs aren't even comment-worthy. 

For example, one postee has just addressed her bed and bid the rest of us good night. The entirety of Facebook is potentially scrolling by and you're talking to your bed? 

Useless? Perhaps...if only at first glance. 

Dig a little deeper, however, and you'll find in that random post a desire for someone else to connect with a simple idea; the hope that someone else somewhere else relates with her simple desire to sleep; the realization that the only reason why someone would post anything at all is in the hope that someone else will read it, connect, and care about what's being experienced. 

So what does all of that have to do with anything? Heck, probably nothing at this point. More than likely the majority that started to read this have already wandered somewhere else in cyberspace. 

We're not anxious for the grades. We're anxious that the grades define us. We're not anxious for replies to random posts. We're anxious that the lack of replies define our lack of importance. We're not anxious for success. We're anxious to matter, to mean something, to be someone influential and important. We're not anxious for answered prayers. We're anxious that if our prayers aren't answered, it means we're not good enough, we're not important enough, we're wrong, or ever worse, that He doesn't even exist at all. Lying beneath all of those worries is more than likely the realization that we have no idea how to connect with the world around us.

It's big. It's got a mother-load of ideas floating around in it. So how do we sift through it all and come out with at least a little bit of sanity?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." -Philippians 4:6

I've made a lot of choices in the past I don't understand. One of them is waiting until the night before to write a six page research paper. I know why.

But really, why?

What I do know is that worrying about it at this point won't do me any good. Only writing will. Breaks are good, but fretting over things I can't change at this point isn't. 

Ultimately, it isn't about if I make a great GPA and get a PhD, obtain a six figure salary paying career, or that I drive an Aston Martin through the French Alps with my smokin' hot super model babe girlfriend maybe someday wife sex toy. 

It's the question of will I be able to connect with others, and will they take the time to connect with me?

Just a thought, of course.

So what are you anxious about? And what are the real reasons why?

Sincerely, 

-Sean


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