In Pursuit of Women (The Long Distance Improbability) Part 4

Dear Anonymous Reader,

The internet is, in short, glorious. A person can almost never leave their home and not be in want of anything. From Facebook to Netflix and all the other bajillion sites in between (you can even have your groceries delivered to your door), the internet is virtually full of limitless possibilities.

Well, this next girl was before all that went mainstream.

I was in Jr. High (I think), and I met this girl at a youth camp. It ended up turning into one of those short, week long crushes (only thing was, I'm pretty sure at the time she was more interested in my friend than in me), but we exchanged numbers/addresses anyway so we could write (snail mail...back in the day).

We ended up actually writing for a few months after that.

We'd write each other ever other week or so, and eventually got to calling each other pretty often. And surprisingly enough (and probably cause I didn't get the attention of any other girls around me), I actually really started to like this girl. So much so, I asked her to be my girlfriend in one of the letters...and she said yes.

Aw, how cute, huh? Yeah, sure, score one for Sean.

But like most guys my age (what, 13 maybe?), it was short lived. For me, not being able to see someone in person just plain sucked. So eventually, I broke it off...whatever you wanted to call some short lived long distance fling at 13 years old. And eventually, we stopped writing each other altogether.

Such is life.

I don't really count that one as a first girlfriend (argue if you like), nor this next one. Mainly because I was young and also, because of the distance, to me, it wasn't anything tangible anyway.

Now, on to Long Distance Chick numero 2.

This girl happened after the internet age invaded our home...which was later in Jr. High. I got sucked into the chat room scene and ended up talking to this one girl quite often. Her sn (screen name, for those post AIM) was godsgirl-something, and we'd talk almost every night.

To save time, it was roughly a repeat of the letters girl, except faster (and she was from Canada). This time, however, I had never met her in person.

Now sure, we could go on about how it could have been anybody...

Poltergeist, anyone?

...but for the sake of my sanity, we'll assume she was who she said she was.

But like the letters girl, this one faded almost as quickly after a couple of months. 

My lesson? No long distance.

Even though I was pretty young at the time, what I learned about myself is that I hate long distance relationships and will avoid them at all costs (and after over 10 years, nothing's really changed there). It's not that they're necessarily bad as much as they're just insanely difficult. Granted, some people posses the perfect mentality for it, but I'm not one of them. Barring an act of God, I want to be within short driving distance of whoever it is I'm dating.

Because truth be told, I'm a cuddler, and I wanna cuddle weekly...not every 6 monthlies. 

But seriously, I enjoy face to face quality time. Sitting in a coffee shop (even though I don't drink the stuff) talking, watching movies, playing music, taking walks, going out on dates more tangible than Skype, dancing to cheesy music in parking lots...all that sappy stuff.

Kind of hard to do when she's half a country away.

At any rate, as corny as long distance may be to some, and as perfectly logical to others, I can at least say I've dipped my toes in the proverbial water. I'm not vehemently against it...I just don't prefer it...at all. 

And I'm glad I got it over with early.

Sincerely,

-Sean

Everybody Leaves

Dear Anonymous Reader,


Some nights I'm lucky enough to be exhausted and just fall right to sleep. Other nights, though, thoughts get stuck in my over-analytical head and keep me up for hours.


Much like tonight.


The particular thought is this: A friend and I were discussing certain things about how each other acts and what has shaped our personalities. This friend is fairly guarded, and when I asked her why, she replied with something along the lines of, "Well, everybody leaves eventually. Helps keep me from getting hurt."


I couldn't agree more. Everyone does leave. Grandparents, parents, spouses, children, friends, strangers, pets, heck, even your car keys. Everybody some day will either move away, move on, get mad (or whatever) and exit the relationship, grow out of touch, or keel over and get buried six feet under.


Now, it's not all so immediate or pessimistic, but it's generally the way it goes.


So, needless to say, the only thing that has been running through my head for the past hour is "Everybody leaves." That phrase alone tends to suck the purpose out of everything for me. 


Eventually there will be no one left to share life with (unless I'm the lucky one who goes first).


But then, out of the silence, came this:

"The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” -Deuteronomy 31:8

I don't know the future, but He does. I can speculate and depress myself into some useless, heartless corner full of everything but sleep and relationship, but the truth is, He's already gone before me. He's already been there.


I have nothing to fear.


Even after everyone leaves, for whatever reason, He'll still be here sustaining me through it all.


Sustaining you through it all.


And bringing new life.


Sincerely,


-Sean 

Dear Anonymous Reader,


I was having a conversation with a friend the other night at the kiddie table in the children's section at the bookstore.


I never knew how much a tiny chair could hurt my back.


We were catching up on random things (I know, you're probably wondering why we were at the kiddie table and not at a regular table) and I asked her, "What's something I do or about my personality that just annoys the heck out of you?"

Now, as a side note, I generally don't go around asking people what annoys them about me. I know there are things that I do that annoy people, and honestly, I sometimes do them just because it annoys people (don't judge me, you do it too), but I try not to that often (since it is, in fact, annoying). Also, I think asking someone what annoys them about me can just get...well...annoying. But there are times when I genuinely want to make sure I'm not doing something repetitively obnoxious without realizing it (unless it's funny, of course, 'cause that fixes everything).

                                                                           sjapumbing.com.au
Like this guy

At any rate, the answer still surprised me. She said it was some random phrase that I ask her from time to time. It wasn't anything big, but it was just how I said it that she found annoying. You won't get the full effect, but it goes something like this:

"Sooo, how's everything going?"

Except I put a lot of emphasis on the "so" and "how" and make some weird face where she knows exactly what I'm asking about. It's usually something she doesn't wanna talk about at the time, and I just come off as being nosy. 


Which is a fair assessment, because I am being nosy.


I'm a nosy person, what can I say? I'd rather chalk it up to caring about what's going on in my friend's life (which I do), but I can honestly say that she was right in saying that sometimes I just wanna be in the know.

There's not much to this post aside from the fact that there are just some things we do, without realizing it, that for whatever reason annoy the crap out of people. Some may argue, "Well, they can just get over it," while others might just get too scared and change everything about themselves to please everyone else.

I believe there's a balance. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like, but I do know that it's the annoying things people do that make life interesting. I don't say that for the mere sake of giving myself an excuse (because excessive annoyance isn't really funny), but for the sake that I believe it's the little things, even if they get on your nerves, that spice life up a bit.

There's a need for a bit of tension. Nothing worse than a constant comfort zone...'cause then you don't really go anywhere.

Sooo, on that short note...

Sincerely,

-Sean

In Pursuit of Women (so smooth, Sherlock) part 3

Dear Anonymous Reader,

I've never been smooth with the ladies...at least not the ones I'm going after. As said before, almost all attempts to woo the opposite sex have ended in utter failure.

                                                           cracked.com
Metaphorically accurate

This girl, we'll call her Sue (I'll refrain from true names from this point on, thanks to Facebook), was my first real attempt to tell a girl how I felt about her. It was 5th grade, and like most kids my age who watched TV and lacked any sort of confidence when it came to talking to girls, I decided to write a note.

                                            georgestrait.com
Thanks for the great advice, Mr. Strait

I've since learned that although passing notes might make for a good, cutesy country song, they're generally the worst idea ever.

I think it was a page or two (my first mistake...keep it simple), and about the only thing I really remember of what it said (aside from the fact that I liked her) was that I liked the way she said "yo" when saying hello.

Yeah, it's the simple things.

At any rate, I didn't have the guts to just hand it to her, so I stuck it in her locker.

Mistake number two.

There's so much that can go wrong in the time between sliding it through those vents and her actually getting it. I can't remember now if she ever actually got it or if it just slipped out onto the floor, but the next thing I remember is someone totally random laughing about it (not her) and me finding it on my English teacher's desk unfolded and read by who knows how many immature people my age by the time it got there.

To say I was embarrassed is an understatement. Humiliated almost fits.

Sure, now I look back and laugh about it, and some might say, "Aw, but how cute is that?"

Not cute in the least when you're my 5th grade self. All it equaled was humiliated rejection.

The first of many.

I've written many notes since then (you'd think I'd've learned quicker not to after that mess). Most I don't remember, and most can't top that one. But what's really stuck with me is that no matter how well things may look in your head or on paper, the actual execution and potential outcome will most likely be much different.

Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But try not to leave incriminating evidence behind. Just tell her face to face how you feel. If she feels the same, awesome, more brownie points for you for having the guts to look her in the eye. If not, at least she doesn't have some cheesy, tangible confession to pass around afterward.

Oh, and if she says no, she means no. It might look cute in movies for a guy to be annoyingly persistent, and some might get lucky in real life, but 9 out of 10 times, you're just plain annoying.

But more on that later.

Sincerely,

-Sean

In Pursuit of Women (the self-inflicted mind games) Part 2

Dear Anonymous Reader,

So I just returned from a ski trip. It was a blast. There's nothing like a road trip with falling down a snowy mountain thrown into the midst. 

Or hitting a brick wall

That's not me, but it's how my body feels.

Road trips, even ones with a group of people, give me a lot of time to think. I thought a lot about the second girl I liked...or the one I remember anyway.

Her name was Danielle. It was 4th grade. She had dark hair and would say "Pooh!" a lot when stuff didn't go her way. I specifically remember a game of four square (a game I haven't played since elementary school and totally forgot about until writing this post) where "Pooh!" was thrown around a lot.

Nothing like a kid's version of the explicit word you don't make the connection to until almost 20 years later.

At any rate, what was special about this girl was she was the first one I ever dreamed about. I only had one dream about her, and it was short, and I vaguely remember what happened. We were in a dark ally (not sure why, but don't get dirty), and I remember just talking to her.

I had a simple, cheesy dream. So what?

Well, after that dream, I went from just liking her to really liking her. I can't remember how long that affection lasted, but it was at the very least all of fourth grade. I didn't ever make a move, I don't think (not much to go on when you're 10), and by 5th grade I was into someone else (my first super embarrassing moment), but I'll never forget the power that dream had. 

It still surprises me to this day how much dreams affect our feelings about things, especially feelings for other people. Ever since then, it never fails that if I dream about a girl I have feelings for, those feelings are reinforced, at least for a little while, that much more. And heck, if I dream about a girl I don't have feelings for, if it's anything dealing with affection, feelings are bound to show up for at least a little while.  

Source: Syracuse.com
This guy was all into that stuff, from what I hear

But as nice (I hope) as dreams can be about the person you like, personally, they just tend to tick me off. One, they're not real. Two, from past experience, they do nothing to help the situation. Three, it's like giving crack to the hormonal part of my brain that screams "I WANNA BE WITH THIS CHICK!"

Yeah, annoying, especially when they don't feel the same (which, in my track record, is all but one that I know of).

So, what I get to look forward to is a super long season of over-thinking the entire situation until I finally make a goof of myself, or until I somehow miraculously stop liking the girl. 

Here's to hoping for the second.

But more on the first later.

Sincerely,

-Sean 

The...

Dear Anonymous Reader,

"Expect the unexpected." 

Cliche advice. If I sit and think about it, it's obviously illogical. A more fitting phrase would be something like:

"Surprise! Have fun with that one, why don't ya!" 

Yeah, not much better. The whole issue with the unexpected is that it is, in fact, unexpected. There's no way to prepare for it...hence the title. So telling someone to prepare for what's unprepareforable (haha, yes, it made me laugh) is, of course, just to make you feel good.


It's a new year. A lot of people make resolutions. Nothing wrong with that. Goal-setting is always a good idea. I personally don't set any resolution for the simple reason that if I don't make any resolution, I don't have anything to be resolute about. 

I'll never let go, Jack!
Woops.
Now I'll just lie here, on a door, and sing to myself.

Kidding.

But really.

With a new year, some people are expecting the worst. Some are expecting the best. Some just don't expect anything. It's not that I don't make resolutions so I can be lazy and not commit to anything (although some may argue that...and argue it well), it's just that the whole new years resolutions thing, to me, is something most people do just because everyone else does.

It's the yearly fad.

So they feel guilty (or pressured) and do it too.

Jac Depczyk-Photographer's Choice-Getty Images

I will have sexy abs!

Which is why gym memberships are up the most in January, but come February, all those high-expectant newbies are nowhere to be found. 

Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not dogging New Years Resolutions, I'm dogging making resolutions just because it's New Years. Because then, it doesn't really mean anything. Sure, if you see something you genuinely want to change about yourself and this is the time you do it, awesome. But if you're going to commit to something, then commit. 

Tangent completed. 

Back to expectations. I'm planning on going on a road trip tomorrow. I'm hoping it's an awesome ski trip that will provide a whole van load of good memories. 

But I honestly don't know what will happen (which is half the fun).

The same goes for this next year. I expect to work and go to school. In fact, I expect to work and go to school for the next 2 or 3 years. But what I really know is that something is gonna change. Something will happen that I don't expect. Something will come out of left field some day and knock me off my feet like it always does. 

I hope it's good. But I know some things wont be. I had few this last year.

And I'll be surprised, but not really, because I'm expecting the unexpected.

Yeah, I just contradicted myself. 

Happens.

At any rate, I wish you all a happy new year. Through all the good expected times and through all the surprising and potentially terrifying unexpected times, may you be blessed and shown His greatness.

“Forget the former things; 
   do not dwell on the past. 
 See, I am doing a new thing! 
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
I am making a way in the wilderness 
   and streams in the wasteland." -Isaiah 43:18, 19 

Sincerely,

-Sean