Decidedly Uninspired

Dear Anonymous Reader,

Surprisingly enough, I haven't procrastinated this month as much as I generally do (except for now...not studying for a french test). Obviously, it's been a couple of weeks since I've written anything here. Truth be told, I haven't felt inspired enough (or at all) to write anything seemingly worth while (schoolwork aside...inspired only by deadlines and potential F's).

markjuleen.com

Not quite the inspiration I'm looking for, but kudos nonetheless

But if there's one thing I've learned over the last few years studying literature (while also trying to write some of my own), it's that inspiration (in most instances) has little to do with great works of art. It's the hard work and long hours endured when having to write draft after draft day after day all while experiencing rejection after rejection until finally something clicks (if it ever does) and the ball starts rolling.

The sad, simple truth, however, is that the majority of artists won't ever experience that. They'll live (and die) in obscurity.

Lovely prospects, eh?

So why write...or do anything at all? Because there's hopefully more in it for you than just money (but money would be nice), and all it takes is one divine moment of being in the right place at the right time with the right piece of art to see it realized on a large scale. But if you spend your life not doing anything, then that moment will most definitely never come (and even if it did, you wouldn't have anything to show for it).

So whether you think great works of art come about by this:

legacy.lclark.edu/faculty/jsmiller/objects/idea_bulb.jpg

If you're lucky

Or more realistically by this:

I don't have organizational  issues...honest.

...understanding that most anything significant requires attention, dedication, and overall hard work is the first step to seeing any piece of "creative genius" realized.

The hardest part, though, is getting started.

But more on that later.

Sincerely,

-Sean 

In Pursuit of Women (no means no...without that yes hiding behind it) Part 5

Dear Anonymous Reader,

In Part 3, I left off with how not taking no for an answer ends up becoming annoying and not really that Hollywood style romance we dorky guys hope for.

So on that note, there was this girl. In trying to keep things simple, I'll say that at the time she was simply the most beautiful girl that I had ever met.

Not her, but close enough

I was what, 14? It was the inbetweensie Jr. High years and we went to the same church. Even now, I honestly don't remember much about her except that every single guy wanted to be with her (by a modest estimate)...and she liked cars.

She didn't like me, though. Admittedly, I was probably a dork. At the very least, she tolerated my presence and entertained me with a few good conversations, but from what I remember, it never really went anywhere too significant. I did, however, at some point, gather the guts to ask the girl out.

And of course, she said no.

I'm the one on the right...except I'm a guy, he's the girl, and she's a dude too.
Alrighty then, moving on.

I don't blame her. Looking back, I'd've said no just as quickly. Looking back, I also would've slapped myself and said, "Leave it at that, ya blockhead! Once is enough."

But I was a persistent little sucker.

It eventually, to me anyway, just became a running joke. I'd call her up, we'd share some small talk for a little bit, and somewhere in the conversation I'd not so subtly sneak in, "So, how bout now, will you go out with me?"

"No."

"Aw, common, please?"

"No."

"Alright. See ya at church."

"Bye."

Paraphrased, but still pathetic, I know.

Needless to say, she dated the other guy (doesn't matter who, he's not part of the story) and I eventually moved on. But one thing I realized, regardless of how funny it might be looking back, is that asking her out over, and over, and over again probably wasn't the smoothest thing to do.

Not that I really even knew, or cared, what "smooth" looked like back then. I was 14 for cryin' out loud.

I did learn, however, that regardless of what that sneaky little demon of a heart tells you, if the girl says no (or God forbid gives you some lame excuse along the lines of, "It's not you, it's me,") leave it at that and just move on (at breakneck speed). It'll save you a lot of trouble and embarrassing stories later.

Oh yeah, and that girl's married now, has a kid, and is still beautiful. I hope she's happy.

I'm obviously still single, I have no real prospects, and I still don't have a clue what I'm doing.

But more on that later.

Sincerely,

-Sean

Writer's Block

Dear Anonymous Reader,

...

Sincerely,

-Sean

In Pursuit of Women (The Long Distance Improbability) Part 4

Dear Anonymous Reader,

The internet is, in short, glorious. A person can almost never leave their home and not be in want of anything. From Facebook to Netflix and all the other bajillion sites in between (you can even have your groceries delivered to your door), the internet is virtually full of limitless possibilities.

Well, this next girl was before all that went mainstream.

I was in Jr. High (I think), and I met this girl at a youth camp. It ended up turning into one of those short, week long crushes (only thing was, I'm pretty sure at the time she was more interested in my friend than in me), but we exchanged numbers/addresses anyway so we could write (snail mail...back in the day).

We ended up actually writing for a few months after that.

We'd write each other ever other week or so, and eventually got to calling each other pretty often. And surprisingly enough (and probably cause I didn't get the attention of any other girls around me), I actually really started to like this girl. So much so, I asked her to be my girlfriend in one of the letters...and she said yes.

Aw, how cute, huh? Yeah, sure, score one for Sean.

But like most guys my age (what, 13 maybe?), it was short lived. For me, not being able to see someone in person just plain sucked. So eventually, I broke it off...whatever you wanted to call some short lived long distance fling at 13 years old. And eventually, we stopped writing each other altogether.

Such is life.

I don't really count that one as a first girlfriend (argue if you like), nor this next one. Mainly because I was young and also, because of the distance, to me, it wasn't anything tangible anyway.

Now, on to Long Distance Chick numero 2.

This girl happened after the internet age invaded our home...which was later in Jr. High. I got sucked into the chat room scene and ended up talking to this one girl quite often. Her sn (screen name, for those post AIM) was godsgirl-something, and we'd talk almost every night.

To save time, it was roughly a repeat of the letters girl, except faster (and she was from Canada). This time, however, I had never met her in person.

Now sure, we could go on about how it could have been anybody...

Poltergeist, anyone?

...but for the sake of my sanity, we'll assume she was who she said she was.

But like the letters girl, this one faded almost as quickly after a couple of months. 

My lesson? No long distance.

Even though I was pretty young at the time, what I learned about myself is that I hate long distance relationships and will avoid them at all costs (and after over 10 years, nothing's really changed there). It's not that they're necessarily bad as much as they're just insanely difficult. Granted, some people posses the perfect mentality for it, but I'm not one of them. Barring an act of God, I want to be within short driving distance of whoever it is I'm dating.

Because truth be told, I'm a cuddler, and I wanna cuddle weekly...not every 6 monthlies. 

But seriously, I enjoy face to face quality time. Sitting in a coffee shop (even though I don't drink the stuff) talking, watching movies, playing music, taking walks, going out on dates more tangible than Skype, dancing to cheesy music in parking lots...all that sappy stuff.

Kind of hard to do when she's half a country away.

At any rate, as corny as long distance may be to some, and as perfectly logical to others, I can at least say I've dipped my toes in the proverbial water. I'm not vehemently against it...I just don't prefer it...at all. 

And I'm glad I got it over with early.

Sincerely,

-Sean

Everybody Leaves

Dear Anonymous Reader,


Some nights I'm lucky enough to be exhausted and just fall right to sleep. Other nights, though, thoughts get stuck in my over-analytical head and keep me up for hours.


Much like tonight.


The particular thought is this: A friend and I were discussing certain things about how each other acts and what has shaped our personalities. This friend is fairly guarded, and when I asked her why, she replied with something along the lines of, "Well, everybody leaves eventually. Helps keep me from getting hurt."


I couldn't agree more. Everyone does leave. Grandparents, parents, spouses, children, friends, strangers, pets, heck, even your car keys. Everybody some day will either move away, move on, get mad (or whatever) and exit the relationship, grow out of touch, or keel over and get buried six feet under.


Now, it's not all so immediate or pessimistic, but it's generally the way it goes.


So, needless to say, the only thing that has been running through my head for the past hour is "Everybody leaves." That phrase alone tends to suck the purpose out of everything for me. 


Eventually there will be no one left to share life with (unless I'm the lucky one who goes first).


But then, out of the silence, came this:

"The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” -Deuteronomy 31:8

I don't know the future, but He does. I can speculate and depress myself into some useless, heartless corner full of everything but sleep and relationship, but the truth is, He's already gone before me. He's already been there.


I have nothing to fear.


Even after everyone leaves, for whatever reason, He'll still be here sustaining me through it all.


Sustaining you through it all.


And bringing new life.


Sincerely,


-Sean 

Dear Anonymous Reader,


I was having a conversation with a friend the other night at the kiddie table in the children's section at the bookstore.


I never knew how much a tiny chair could hurt my back.


We were catching up on random things (I know, you're probably wondering why we were at the kiddie table and not at a regular table) and I asked her, "What's something I do or about my personality that just annoys the heck out of you?"

Now, as a side note, I generally don't go around asking people what annoys them about me. I know there are things that I do that annoy people, and honestly, I sometimes do them just because it annoys people (don't judge me, you do it too), but I try not to that often (since it is, in fact, annoying). Also, I think asking someone what annoys them about me can just get...well...annoying. But there are times when I genuinely want to make sure I'm not doing something repetitively obnoxious without realizing it (unless it's funny, of course, 'cause that fixes everything).

                                                                           sjapumbing.com.au
Like this guy

At any rate, the answer still surprised me. She said it was some random phrase that I ask her from time to time. It wasn't anything big, but it was just how I said it that she found annoying. You won't get the full effect, but it goes something like this:

"Sooo, how's everything going?"

Except I put a lot of emphasis on the "so" and "how" and make some weird face where she knows exactly what I'm asking about. It's usually something she doesn't wanna talk about at the time, and I just come off as being nosy. 


Which is a fair assessment, because I am being nosy.


I'm a nosy person, what can I say? I'd rather chalk it up to caring about what's going on in my friend's life (which I do), but I can honestly say that she was right in saying that sometimes I just wanna be in the know.

There's not much to this post aside from the fact that there are just some things we do, without realizing it, that for whatever reason annoy the crap out of people. Some may argue, "Well, they can just get over it," while others might just get too scared and change everything about themselves to please everyone else.

I believe there's a balance. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like, but I do know that it's the annoying things people do that make life interesting. I don't say that for the mere sake of giving myself an excuse (because excessive annoyance isn't really funny), but for the sake that I believe it's the little things, even if they get on your nerves, that spice life up a bit.

There's a need for a bit of tension. Nothing worse than a constant comfort zone...'cause then you don't really go anywhere.

Sooo, on that short note...

Sincerely,

-Sean

In Pursuit of Women (so smooth, Sherlock) part 3

Dear Anonymous Reader,

I've never been smooth with the ladies...at least not the ones I'm going after. As said before, almost all attempts to woo the opposite sex have ended in utter failure.

                                                           cracked.com
Metaphorically accurate

This girl, we'll call her Sue (I'll refrain from true names from this point on, thanks to Facebook), was my first real attempt to tell a girl how I felt about her. It was 5th grade, and like most kids my age who watched TV and lacked any sort of confidence when it came to talking to girls, I decided to write a note.

                                            georgestrait.com
Thanks for the great advice, Mr. Strait

I've since learned that although passing notes might make for a good, cutesy country song, they're generally the worst idea ever.

I think it was a page or two (my first mistake...keep it simple), and about the only thing I really remember of what it said (aside from the fact that I liked her) was that I liked the way she said "yo" when saying hello.

Yeah, it's the simple things.

At any rate, I didn't have the guts to just hand it to her, so I stuck it in her locker.

Mistake number two.

There's so much that can go wrong in the time between sliding it through those vents and her actually getting it. I can't remember now if she ever actually got it or if it just slipped out onto the floor, but the next thing I remember is someone totally random laughing about it (not her) and me finding it on my English teacher's desk unfolded and read by who knows how many immature people my age by the time it got there.

To say I was embarrassed is an understatement. Humiliated almost fits.

Sure, now I look back and laugh about it, and some might say, "Aw, but how cute is that?"

Not cute in the least when you're my 5th grade self. All it equaled was humiliated rejection.

The first of many.

I've written many notes since then (you'd think I'd've learned quicker not to after that mess). Most I don't remember, and most can't top that one. But what's really stuck with me is that no matter how well things may look in your head or on paper, the actual execution and potential outcome will most likely be much different.

Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But try not to leave incriminating evidence behind. Just tell her face to face how you feel. If she feels the same, awesome, more brownie points for you for having the guts to look her in the eye. If not, at least she doesn't have some cheesy, tangible confession to pass around afterward.

Oh, and if she says no, she means no. It might look cute in movies for a guy to be annoyingly persistent, and some might get lucky in real life, but 9 out of 10 times, you're just plain annoying.

But more on that later.

Sincerely,

-Sean